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The 2013 Google IO Keynote – Google Music, Android Updates, and iDosing

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Google CEO Larry Page

THE Google IO keynote has finally concluded after three and a half hours of broken demos, occasionally announcing exciting products, and Larry Page’s very Silicon Vally-esque motivational speech claiming “Being negative is not how we make progress” and hypocrisy.

The biggest announcement, which was leaked, is Google Play Music All Access. It is essentially a clone of Spotify. I’m sceptical, however, about how successful this will be. Priced at $9.99 a month (its launching in the U.S. first with a global roll out later this year) it is the same as Spotify which leads me to ask this question … Where is the incentive for users to switch to a service which will undoubtedly have a library far smaller than Spotify and that is platform reliant? It’s simple, there isn’t. It’s an interesting attempt but it’s probably too late to catch up to Spotify and other similar services all of which have a household presence, much larger libraries and market penetration, and the ability to move between iOS and Android.

Other efforts include Google Plus, apparently there was forty one new features most notably an update to the stream which is completely redesigned towards a card interface like Google Now, the hangouts application which takes on competitors like Apple with ‘iMessage’ and Facebook with ‘Messenger’ – which unfortunately moves away from the XMPP standard – and a cool image/video format called WebP, which uses much less bandwidth in videos and images and also supports animation and transparency.

Of course, there was many updates to Android too, further distinguishing its self from the competition by using Google’s incredible cloud services to its advantage. Contextual search looks fantastic, as does Google’s natural language search, both key features in Google Now and the shift away from the home screen. And whilst there was many other smaller updates, and ones aimed at developers such as improved analytics, the most exciting and obvious feature was notifications that are now synced across devices. Remove a notification on your phone, it does on your tablet.

Almost all of Google’s projects of various sizes were mentioned, the Nexus’ were mentioned in passing, the Pixel was given away for ‘free’, and of course there were more updates to Google search (but no mention on creating a better algorithm unfortunately), maps and various other small projects.

There was some notable exceptions, however. Google Glass had absolutely no presence on stage which contrasts with last year when there was skydiving action men all donning the latest and probably most ridiculous fad in technology today, “wearables”. In fact, the only mention of Google Glass was Larry Page telling Robert Scoble he “really didn’t appreciate the shower photo”.

Showering Scoble

Showering Scoble – WARNING, GRAPHIC

But the entirety of Page’s presence on stage was strange. In what was clearly a last minute decision which didn’t really serve any purpose, clutching onto some notes he made, he spoke about how “not every new technology is a zero-sum game”, how “every story I read about Google is us verses some other company, or something else, and I really don’t find it interesting”, and most creepily of all is complaining about laws and regulations that hinder them from creating what he wants – as if he wants to take us all to Burning Man where we can all experiment with iDosing whilst simultaneously eating from a trough of magic mushrooms and making all our medical records public.

Whilst one half of Page was in one world, a world with no laws where you can try new things, BioShocks Rapture to be precise, his answers to questions and the keynote in general were in another less idyllic world rife with hypocrisy and user-extorting schemes.

The keynote was undoubtedly an attack on Apple and making it clear they are dominant in every place Apple is stumbling into. Demonstrating how their maps are far superior, and highlighting how they will continue to be, moving into search and how they are, and will continue to be, the best in the market, and then moving into Google Now and how superior it now is to Siri. Further to the hypocrisy of Page was one of his answers about Microsoft, saying “We struggle with people like Microsoft”, and complaining about Oracle and Java.

Google have put their only real rival, Apple, in a difficult position today. They have attacked Game Centre, Siri, and various other products that Apple can’t do because of their lack of infrastructure and the legacy of Steve Job’s. WWDC will have to see Apple step up several gears both on the OS front and with its cloud services to remain competitive to Google and Android.

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Dan Barker’s Second Opinion: Election Pun

Monday, May 13, 2013
The University of Bradford has an election system even Putin would be concerned about!

The University of Bradford has an election system even Putin would be concerned about!

NATIONAL elections inherently produce acting equal to that of East Enders. A petri dish of the born-to-rule on the right, Champaign socialists on the left, and the pesky-populists dancing around the political spectrum like Hugh Grant, all pretending, poorly, to be ‘normal’ human beings. University elections, on the other hand, have the aspiring politician practicing in the art of deceit, complaining about media areas having any form of ‘bias’ which results in an unfortunate, and damaging, media blackout of the elections, and, as with the real politician, pretending to be human beings. The only difference, however, is that rather than go around to every part of the country and speak to poor people, though that did happen in these elections, they attempt to become human beings of the hilarious verity, carefully concocting as many of the worst puns, vote grabbing outfits, and hilarious one-liners as possible.

“EnRICH your vote” or “Don’t frown, vote Robson Younis Brown” are two particularly poor attempts, the latter candidate even decided to wear a cape to hustings – it was actually a red bed sheet – keeping all twenty audience members, one RamAir listener, and zero YouB TV live stream viewers, in suspense for his first mention of the cape. Unfortunately, all had to wait until his summation speech. “It doesn’t take a superhero”, and then looks delighted he’s finally unleashed this hilarity upon the earth. The audience members, shockingly, were far less convinced.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the worst costume gimmick I saw. Ecstatic that I survived the candidates and their minions’ audacity to think I would vote for them on the spot because they shoved a leaflet down my throat and told me I could vote on their computer I was escaping into the cold and wet. It was then I saw, escaping from the rather bizarre weather, our new Sports and Societies Overlord, Chairman Butters, dressed in a completely humiliating cat outfit walking around looking more out of place than a Nareice Wint, Emily Bennett, Fathini ‘Tinie’ Rusli hybrid.

These were, arguably, the most incompetent candidates of the entire elections. One, Miss Wint, claimed she was “passionate” at least twenty trillion times, whilst the other two were lambs to the slaughter … however Mr Slaughter was having a bad day, stunned them with a low end electronic toothbrush, and thought it was a fantastic idea to allow them to bleed out via their capillaries whilst audiences could laugh, jeer, and capture video to later remix with the infamous Keyboard Cat. In other words, they were all hilariously awful in hustings.

They all, still, had a shockingly high vote – which highlights a monumental problem with politics here at the University of Bradford and politics as a whole.

Turn out to hustings were abysmally poor. Voters, you, missed out candidates demonstrating how awful, and probably incompetent, they were. Throughout, especially with two Sports and Societies candidates, they altered their policies and then lied about it. Claiming they would magically increase budgets, shifting whether they would have a preference of sports or societies, and pretending they were the most experienced. The most egregious action was, however, watching vast numbers of the candidates ‘friends’ submitting questions in their ‘friends’ favour, and when they answered it proceeding to deafen the audience with their moronic, annoying, childish cheering.

Paradoxically, turnout was a record high at 40 per cent! This makes little to no sense.

It’s overwhelmingly obvious that the elections at the University of Bradford need wholesale reform. Why is it that candidates are able to facilitate students voting around the Library, in the Common Rooms, and at their sports and societies? Why, once the election is over, are the complaints investigated in what is probably the least in depth or the most hyperbolic investigation depending on the election team’s bias? (And please don’t tell me that those in the Union don’t have a bias for who they want to be elected, because arguably the most capable candidates who were elected should have been discounted for breaking the incredibly stupid electoral regulations … “You’re working with people, I’m working with people”, ring any bells?)

Unfortunately the regulations regarding the elections impede democracy on a campaign side, they ensure the hustings that have the potential to be one of the greatest shows on the student calendar are reduced to one of the dullest events of the century, and ensure there is a complete media blackout on anything criticising the Union’s handling of the elections and any of the candidates who put themselves into the limelight despite knowing they have the collective intelligence of the Paris Hilton fan club.

True democracy is in danger. Already we have its trivialisation with candidates dressing in cat-suites and capes, the value of a vote reduced to a five pence drumstick lollypop or, if you’re lucky, a small bundle of Tesco’s own brand Smarties, and that of pathetic and severely unfunny puns.

Reform is the answer but I know that that will only happen once students know what how the elections are borderline corrupt. They never will, because the Union wouldn’t publish it.

 

[This is part of Dan Barker's "Dan Barker's Second Opinion" column series in which he analyses past events with his own unique style just in case people forgot about them - Dan Barker will not write about the University of Bradford elections for several months. The title is the result of a  shameless theft of John C. Dvorak's column title at MarketWatch]

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Yesterday in Hustings – Day Three

Thursday, March 21, 2013

2013-03-05 18.14.45

IN THE FINAL HUSTINGS of the 2013 University of Bradford elections candidates for LGBT officer, Chair of Council, Council Members, Environmental and Welfare Officer, and Academic Affairs Officer, were questioned in front of a jaded audience – of which about 50 per cent were actually standing for elections.

Most of the debates lacked any ferocity – both the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender) Officer and the Environmental and Welfare Officer, Steven Bloodchild and Aicha Bahij respectively, were unopposed candidates re-running for their previous positions.

In their opening monologues they listed their “achievements” from the previous years. Mr Bloodchild mentioned his many motions he has reinstated, whilst reminding the audience that “LGBT people are still human beings”. Miss Bahij’s achievements included ensuring students lock their doors, the dichotomy of raising awareness for environmental causes whilst creating, designing, and manufacturing those charity-rubber-wristbands – which probably kill countless Otters, Birds, small children, and other mammals – and 440 trees that were planted around the university which Miss Bahij encouraged us to “count them” by shrieking down the microphone, deafening countless attendees, and probably knocking baby owls from their nests to the ground prime to be devoured by foxes or beef burger manufacturers.

The Chair of Council and Council positions were further circle-jerk-esque affairs, with all but one candidates able to get a position who were standing for the Council and three Chairman candidates not willing to do anything interesting.

Despite the sheer dullness of the evening, with it sometimes burgeoning on a self-congratulatory nature, the Academic Affairs Officer debate was one that should not have been missed. Robson Yonis Brown, Emily Grace Bennett, Fathini Rusli, and Patrick Shortis

Despite the sheer dullness of the evening, which was clear with the number of students left, with the final hustings event in danger of descending into a further self-congratulatory nature, the candidates for Academic Affairs Officer, Robson Yonis Brown, Emily Grace Bennett, Fathini ‘Tini’ Rusli, and Patrick Shortis, took to the platform.

In their opening monologues two candidates conveyed a very similar message; both Mr Brown and Mr Shortis claimed they were the most experienced, spoke about the “serious problems” with the Academic Affairs Officer currently, and other tedious complaints such as “the library being too bright” in Mr Brown’s case or promising subsidies for gym membership in Mr Shortis’ monologue.

From the very beginning, it was clear at least two of the candidates were either outstandingly incompetent or severely out of their depth. For example, Miss Bennett.

After her opening monologue in which she claimed her apparent west-end dancing and Great British swimming careers was appropriate experience to be elected Academic Affairs Officer. Drivelling on about people management and the usual electioneering rhetoric. After this pathetic start, she stumbled off into the distance never to recover.

She wasn’t the worst casualty of the night, despite saying she was running for academic affairs because she wants to represent students in academic matters. Miss Rusli was. Starting off terribly she only got worse – throughout she was stumbling her lines, following Miss Wint’s example of fading off at the end of sentences into gibberish she stumbled into the uncanny valley.

The prayer room is a topic of heated debate currently due to the eventual closure later this year. When this question was asked Mr Shortis said that “it’s not an academic issue”, to the audiences dismay, and Miss Bennett agreed with him. Mr Brown, on the other hand, exclaimed, saying, “its absolutely an academic issue”. Clearly there was disagreement amongst the two rivals. Miss Rusli’s response, however, is worthy of a situation comedy. Standing up and saying “they wouldn’t do that in Bradford”, looking completely bewildered for thirty more seconds whilst saying “no, really” to the audience, and then having to sit down because time was up. Both awkward and hilarious!

It was clear very early on that they were only two candidates up to a level to compete. Both Mr Brown and Mr Shortis trading very subtle insults over a verity of subjects including the SCIM/EDT merger – reported by this publication last month – the failures of the course rep system, how to bring confidence back to the position, and more, with the other two candidates trying their best to imitate the other when they realised they had, in fact, no solid policy direction to follow if they were elected. As if it’s a tick box, a CV filler, a job, more so than the other two.

After three long evenings of hustings the summation speeches were ignored by the audience as they descended on the ‘free’ pizza; missing nothing but Mr Browns cape-reference, which many were waiting all evening for, the University of Bradford’s 2013 sabbatical elections came to an end with the last supper.

[NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: The unfortunate delay was down to matters that were out of this websites control, for which we apologize profusely]

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Yesterday in Hustings – Day Two.

Thursday, March 7, 2013
Candidate giving her opening speech.

Candidate giving her opening speech.

YESTERDAY in hustings candidates for the positions of School of Management Officer, Media and Entertainments Officer, International Students Officer, NUS delegates, and the Union Secretary treasurer were asked a verity of questions of concern by students at the University of Bradford as part of the 2013 union elections.

For example, “what is your favourite dance move”?

That was the pressing question asked to the Media and Entertainments Officer candidates. As the question was aired the faces of Felix Prince Kankwamba, Nareice Wint, and Jake Volpe descended from slight nervousness to severe concern. Unfortunately for the audience, Miss Wint would not show us what she “does in the nightclubs”, so were treated to a delightful JustDance videogame dance-move entitled “don’t hate” followed by a brief and hilarious quip of her saying “so, you know, don’t hate”. On the other hand, Jake ‘Party Boy’ Volpe entertained with what can only be described as a thrusting motion laced with innuendo whilst Mr Kankwamba demonstrated a creepily good Harlem Shake style move … the crowed was pleased.

Fortunately for the politically obsessed, there were serious questions. In their opening speeches all three candidates mentioned FND, either promising to “revamp” the night or completely change it to varying degrees, and this was a trend that continued on throughout the questions.

When asked how it could be improved Mr Volpe branded the event “Friday Night Disaster”, going on to say he will use his skills at hosting events in his own home to “completely turn it around” whilst simultaneously pledging to “decrease ticket prices”. Following a similar proposal, Mr Kankwamba said that under his leadership he would “rebrand and revamp it” by “incorporating your voice and your opinion” to make it an event students want to attend. Miss Wint, however, sounded somewhat uninspired, saying “If there’s, like, a theme to FND, there should be themed stuff there”, and then began mumbling about alligators and giraffes.

I’m on a quest to find a song my friend would like. What is your recommendation?

Question to the Media and Entertainments Officer candidates.

Other questions submitted ranged from how candidates would improve disabled access to venues, how they believe they are experienced to take on the role, and how they believe their courses benefit them for the role, to non-alcohol events, a Sunday Service – my radio show – listeners question asking which song I might like, and their favourite Disney character.

From their performances on the evening the two candidates who I believe have an almost equal chance of winning are Mr Kankwamba and Mr Volpe. Unfortunately Miss Wint was a very poor performer who was perceived to many audience members as incompetent, uncharismatic, and most of all was the only candidate without a solid trajectory for the Union to follow.

The School of Management Officer and the International Students Officer were the only part time positions of the evening. With Guillermo Alvarez and Nabeela Imam, who both put in a good performance in answering questions about how to integrate the separate campuses further, standing for the School of Management Officer, and Minsung Shin and Tian Bu asking for votes for the position of International Students Officer – both ran on their alleged ability to integrate foreign and domestic students.

As with the part-time positions there was another non-paid position of the evening, the NUS delegates. Aadam Aiciid Muuse, Jessica Try, Sam Majunga, and Samayya Afzal were all running for the NUS position. Questions ranged from what they “actually do” to what policy proposals they are aware of.

When asked about the effectiveness of the NUS, which had been criticised by many on “#demo2012” all the candidates claimed that it is hugely ineffective but that, in the words of Mr Muuse, “however crap the NUS might be the benefits of affiliation outweigh being disaffiliated”.

The Union Secretary General candidates, Richard Cullen, Usman Ahmed, and Sam Majunga, were the final candidates to speak. With their opening monologues comprising of Mr Cullen claiming wholeheartedly that he was “not just another fresher trying to make his way in the university”, Mr Ahmed asking a series of questions in which only a hungry, caffeine-fuelled cynic would say no to – I did, coincidentally – and Mr Majunga pressing on about the age old transparency, members of the audience were beginning to show their more sceptical side with one member of the audience telling me “they’re just going to say they’re good”.

However, this trio of surprisingly competent candidates impressed most on their answers.

When asked about the most important aspect there was a wide degree of separation. Mr Cullen argued that ensuring “students know what’s going on” – in other words, transparency – is, following a similar line to Mr Majunga’s opening monologue. On the other hand, Mr Majunga said that concentrating on what students actually want is, and Mr Ahmed said that “managing finances in the current climate” is and that he could do this with the correct management of his team.

They were also asked what they would do to ensure that sabbaticals will not “get away with anything”.  This potential minefield of a question was quickly dismissed by all candidates with quotes such as “that’s not right, it needs to be addressed”, and one claim that “they’ve seen it as work experience”.

Other questions included how they can, as chairs of the electoral assembly, increased the 53 per cent turn out, general competency questions, and, of course, their favourite Disney character.

For the record, Mr Majunga is the Genie because if he is elected “they’ll be magic coming out of the union”, Mr Cullen would be Buzz Lightyear, and Mr Ahmed would be Aladin because “he is the only brown Disney character”.

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Yesterday in Hustings

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

2013-03-05 18.14.45

YESTERDAY the candidates for the positions of Sports and Societies Officer, Black and Minority Ethnic Officer, Community Engagement Officer, Disabled Students Officer, and Women’s Liberation Officer, were questioned by students at the University of Bradford as part of the 2013 election hustings.

The first candidate to face the questions was the only candidate for the Community Engagement Officer position, Hansa Hussain. After a brief, shaky opening speech to the somewhat disinterested audience, in which she pledged to help form a “coherent relationship between the community and the university”, ensuring students were able to “take the initiative”, and claiming she was “passionate” several times, the only audience question was the ubiquitous pizza topping question. It’s Chicken.

The Sports and Societies candidates, Sam ‘Butters’ Butterworth, Sefyan Abdulmula, and Joseph Awode, were next and from the offset it was obvious that ‘astroturfing’ from at least one candidate, Mr Butterworth, was being implemented in a George Galloway-esque move to sway other voters or to, quite simply, put the others off.

Promising to give “Team Bradford a home”, that the university is “too insular”, and boasts about previous experience, Mr Butterworth delivered the best opening speech of the evening with lines such as “you need me to start the revolution” and his far superior, whilst superbly generic, “keep calm and vote for Butters” proved to be the greatest crowd pleases of the night leaving the other two candidates somewhat flustered, I suspect.

Mr Abdulmula and Mr Awode followed a similar path of regurgitating slogans, claiming how “passionate” they are and claimed they have no bias towards either sports or societies.

However, this proved to be somewhat of a façade. Immediately after Mr Awode, despite saying he has “no bias towards sports or societies” said that he “doesn’t believe societies need more money”. Mr Abdulmula, albeit later in the evening, said that sports need and deserve a bigger budget and that he “will focus on sports”.

Unfortunately for societies at the University of Bradford, all of these candidates have been in sports teams in their answers showed bias towards sports, particularly Mr Abulmula and Mr Awode – both members of the American Football team – who don’t seem to acknowledge that societies are underfunded, or at least feel so.

Other questions ranged from “do we have too many societies” to biggest problems societies face, from the fiasco with sports playing fields to encouraging disability sports and, of course, Pizza. Mr Butterworth is a “Cheesey” man; Mr Abulmula and Mr Awode are Chicken.

The Black and Minority Ethic Officer was next – Zekerias Haileselassie – who put on quite a show.

The principle behind my candidacy is, first and foremost, based upon the betterment of the students of Bradford University who are from an ethnic minority. The ideologies that will be held, if I am elected, would be the belief in the egalitarian principles that people throughout the world believe is a basic human principle. Pan-Africanism is the foundation from which my acts will be based upon, the dedication towards the uplifting of people of African descent, as well as international scientific socialism, the ideals professing the fight for liberation of all people around the world struggling against the yoke of oppression, exploitation and degradation at the hands of Western Imperialists and Zionist Fascism.

Mr Haileselassie’s Manifesto

Pledging  to increase numbers of BME students in politics, to fighting “western imperialism”, and feeing Gaza. He, like many other candidates, likes his chicken pizza.

The final debates of the evening were for Disabled Students Officer, Luke Hoggarth – who promises in his campaign literature to lower rent on the Green – and  Women’s Liberation Officer candidates, Fatima Umar Desai, Ruta Naujokaite, Ruxandra Bucur, Samayya Afzal, Steffy Bachelet, and Zainab Azam.

These candidates followed a similar line to one another with very little distinction. All with pledges to increase female involvement, funding and encouraging schemes for women, and championing women across the campus.

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